Special 26

At 26, life is a lot like our wardrobes, organised in parts but largely all over the place. It’s that time we realize that childhood has ditched us and long moved on. Adulthood is like an uninvited guest. It's here, but we hardly want to acknowledge its presence!

 26, is also slightly confusing. Almost like the sudden commercial break that pops up, while you're engrossed in the climax of an intense romantic drama on TV. You don't know what to do when it hits you. It makes you feel empowered and in control of things, people and situations. You feel, it's your time. You're poised for world domination. Dreams suddenly seem achievable. And then one day, you cry like a baby, when your girlfriend / boyfriend break up with you citing "Compatibility Issues"

It also makes you that much more vulnerable. Vulnerable because you know you've grown out of being the boy who wanted to party each weekend but you haven't yet fully grown into being a man who can enjoy a single malt and a hearty conversation for a Saturday night!

You're independent but still the second signatory to your bank account after your dad. Your mom trusts the maid over you to get the best bargain on the monthly grocery shopping despite you acing your dissertation on contract negotiation in your final semester.

26, it’s a bit like entering the 8th grade in school. It leaves you puzzled whether to be happy about the transition to trousers or be sad about the fact that you're still not eligible to be appointed the Head Boy. It is largely a confusion that arises out of expectations, partly those that emanate from others, largely the residue of complexities of the ones which are your own.

The phase, a paradox of emotions, gives you the high of gloating in your new-found confidence which gets credited with your salary every beginning of the month. Short-lived though, only to be deflated by the information that your college buddy who's Haka Noodles lunch you paid for in college, spends that much on his weeknight out with his office colleagues. His visiting card carries the logo of the company you've yearned to work for and his assistant informs you that he's travelling to Cannes / The Oscars to look for good content when you call his office, while his cell phone is out of coverage area.

A Facebook status update / a pic tweeted by your school friend whose greatest achievement for life you thought would be graduating college without an ATKT is  surrounded by ladies on the red carpet. You read on and figure that he's touted to be the next big thing in Bollywood and his Foursquare update a week later reads ... "ABC just checked in at Eiffel Tower, Paris" with his moronic smile bulging out of the picture. This phase has a special talent at making you feel big one moment and belittling your ego the next!

Adding to that, at 26, you also realize that the world as you know it, can be divided into 3 kinds of people - 'Engaged', 'To be married' and 'Newly Married' people. These 3 categories will encapsulate the entire spectrum of mankind to have ever walked on this planet. Your Facebook timeline starts resembling a wedding album and the Foursquare check in updates of your friends could be easily compiled into the list of best honeymoon destinations around the world.

All your crushes have found their crushes leaving you crushed. The neighbor who thought you were ‘Cute’ as a kid now refuses to recognize you when you ask for the spare key to your house when parents are away.

Yes, I know, 26 is a time, that can make you wish the Mayans were right. It drives you nuts. It personifies insanity. It's insane.

However, it is also special. It’s special because it allows you the space to discover your true friends, your hobbies and interests, at a point, discover your true self. It makes you expressive beyond your own imagination. It sensitizes you in its own unique way to human emotions, the way you never felt them before.

 It makes you realize the importance of family. It makes you realize what it takes to be truly ‘happy’. It pushes you against the walls. It enables you to nurture and cultivate responsibility, without thrusting it upon you accidentally. It makes you stronger without killing you.

While you dance to the song of heartbreak and love, yearning for the ‘Perfect one’ to be with, you don’t realise that it is this 26, which makes you a better person. A person your ‘Perfect One’ would love to be with!

How To Kill Hope? - A Letter To A Dear Friend!

Life is indeed strange. Just a few months back, I did not know this person, but once we started talking, I realized that I know her as well or probably better than she knows herself. So, like we do very often, we were having this extremely interesting night conversation about relationships and hope. How the two are interlinked. We fondly call these talks of ours “Therapy”!!! And during the course of this heart to heart convo, there I was, thrown this question at me. “So tell me, how can I kill hope?” ………………… this sentence was followed by a prolonged silence from me, which is quite unusual and strange for a non stop chatterbox that I am. “Yes, go on, tell me, How to kill hope?”

There are some questions that make you think, and then, there are some that don’t let you sleep! This one was definitely the latter kinds. I told her, “This is so cool, thanks for giving me a topic I can think on, and blog about. I will reply to your question through my article.” And here I am, writing this piece, despite being devoid of sleep due to this lingering thought and a suspected rat in my room since yesterday!

How to kill hope?

By definition, “Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life.” Hope is the feeling that, what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. So, in essence, hope is nothing but a glorified hypothesis.

Hope was personified in Greek mythology as Elpis. When Pandora opened Pandora's Box, she let out all the evils except one: hope. Apparently, the Greeks considered hope to be as dangerous as all the world's evils. But without hope to accompany all their troubles, humanity was filled with despair. It was a great relief when Pandora revisited her box and let out hope as well. It may be worthy to note that in the story, hope is represented as weakly leaving the box, but is in effect far more potent than any of the major evils.

So, if you put hope in context to human relationships, especially the ones that haven’t gone terribly right, what is the effect? Human relationships are inherently weird. At least I believe so. When we think we know all the answers, life comes and changes all the questions.

All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope... all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect... who might be searching for us. And in this pursuit of finding that ONE made for us, we let our heart weep every now and then. That’s when we feel the need to cling onto hope, catch hold of the last straw, and make ourselves believe that Yes, What I had, was indeed the ONE… let me do everything I can to save it. We disguise hope, and keep giving it to ourselves in its falsest form, knowing fully well that we are just catering to our subconscious, just because we don’t feel like letting it go, just yet.

Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go. We forget that If we have to emphasize or defend the importance of something, then it probably isn't that important in the first place. I guess sometimes the ground can shift between your feet. Sometimes your footing slips. You stumble. And sometimes you grab what's close to you and hold on as tight as you can by calling it hope.
Over the course of our average lifetime we meet a lot of people. Some of them
stick with us through thick and thin. Some weave their way through our life
and disappear forever. But once in a while someone comes along who earns a
permanent place in our hearts. We just don’t realize that we should wait for that one to find us rather than clinging onto false hopes we’ve gifted ourselves about the one who never deserved us in the first place.

Growing up and out of relationships is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But I think, subconsciously, we know it is time to let go of what has been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we don't have to hate each other for getting over. We just have to forgive ourselves... for moving on, just because that’s the right thing to do. In essence, you don’t really need to “Kill Hope”. Just place hope where it deserves to be placed. On those better things, beautiful people, memorable times, prepare for the magic called life that is just waiting to unfold!! And yea, do it with a smile, she’ll feel welcomed!! :-)